(wither) With her

I could breathe as if my lungs where whole again.
I could sleep like a baby.
I could smile like I'm permanently high.
I could live and let live.
I could be myself, no strings attached.
I could dance.
I could cook.
I could pick up the accordion and play.
I could talk the talk and walk the talk.
I could bring art to life.
I could fight.
I could be there.
                                                                                                                                        But then again
Cigarettes are to blame.
I should stop drinking coffee before bedtime.
My muscles hurt if I smile.
Others wouldn't do the same.
That might be  pointless for others and painful for me.  
Sadly there's that story of me promising never to do that again.
Nobody would appreciate.
That would only hurt when I think that there's nobody in this darn country to learn from.
That would make me gain enemies like it always did.
I would be demoralized of the long road ahead.
Tho I am a pacifist.
It's irrelevant.